Dear Senator McCaskill,
Hey! I don’t really follow Missouri politics or know anything about Missouri really, but I saw you on The Daily Show the other day and thought I’d say hi. So it sounds like you like the US Post Office a lot and don’t want it to go bankrupt basically because you like to get letters. I (sort of) agree! The Post Office is awesome and so are letters. See, I have this weird self-centered thing where I like to see how people write my name. I’ve saved the envelopes of every birthday card I’ve ever gotten for that very purpose. I have also saved all the cards and letters that came in those cards. I’m definitely pro-Post Office. My mom has a box full of letters from my dad, her brothers and sisters, her grandmother, etc. and since I cancelled my streaming subscription on Netflix, the mail is now the only way I can watch Parks and Recreation on a continuous loop. Our mail lady is a sweetheart and I’d hate for her to lose her job. Plus, a boy once mailed me a bag of Trader Joe’s dark chocolate pretzel thins, which was probably the best use of mail of all time.
That being said (yes, Larry David, I typed that), writing letters on the internet is super fun too, I have learned (see the eighty some posts right here on this blog)! And, no one really mails letters anymore anyway. The last time I checked the mail, we had a couple credit card offers, the aforementioned Netflix DVD, parking tickets, and the cable bill. I’m with you that the Post Office should probably be helped out a bit, but not based on the fact that people will mail letters all of a sudden.
P.S. Why don’t you suggest they just call up Project Runway again and have them make a bunch of new, stylish uniforms for mail carriers? I’m saving them money all ready!
P.P.S If you’d rather, I’d be happy to write this out with my favorite pen and mail it to you. You better let me know fast though, in case USPS really does go under.